Bully for me...

I've never felt so bullied in my life as I have this past month or so.
So many people with their questions & advice & demands & directions.
Why did my suddenly becoming a mother again mean that I need to be directed like a child?

Ok, so to set the record straight...

I know DeadBeatDad and DeadBeatDad2Be should pay maintenance. But I have handed that over to the government to chase - and maybe Legal Aid when I am officially unemployed - because I simply cannot spend my days and my sparse cash on crying, demanding phone calls to invisible men.
My family can do without the money, we have until now, but we won't survive if I'm a nervous, crying wreck.
I still remember the day my six-year-old daughter told my mother 'I think it's good now - Mum doesn't cry all the time anymore'...and she was talking about before the divorce (so don't ever think they don't notice).
I will NOT go back there to that dark, desperate place again.

I know it's only going to be harder once I can't work the same way I do now, or expect the wage I get, but I cannot imagine coming back to work six days and two nights a week when the baby is a year old - and I cannot bear to see all my hard work full apart while this place waits for me to decide what I want to do.
The people I work with deserve a boss who cares and is committed and will still be here in a year's time.
Yes, & maybe my employers can afford to wait around for a year with 'fill-ins' for my job, but can my community? Can the paper?

The 'advisors' tell me I should quit, I should stay, I should demand my fair share, I should squeeze 'them' for all they've got...why do I have to be a blood-sucking bitch?
Aren't I already a cliche without being a bitter, angry, free-loading single mother of three as well?

My kids, all three of my kids, are going to need me at home this time around.
It's the bravest decision I've ever made because I couldn't do it when I had a husband there alongside me, I couldn't trust him to make it all ok while I stayed home to be a Mum. I couldn't risk him fucking up our world again.
But I'm going to trust ME to make it all ok.

& for all those people who have a piece of advice for me - well hold onto it.
Maybe you'll get to say 'I told you so' later - or maybe I'll surprise us all.