My girl & I were curled up on the couch watching TV as the usual reel of KFC and McDonalds ads rolled past.
It was at this point that she observed that the people in the fast food ads don't look like the people we reaaally see when we stop for junk food on our long trips.
Out of the mouths of babes...
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
That's my middle name...
I don't go looking for trouble.
I can usually find it right where I left it last time.
I can usually find it right where I left it last time.
A word to the unwise...
There are some very sexy things a man can do with a Mars Bar & a willing woman.
My advice to you...never EVER try and substitute a Snickers Bar.
To understand why, buy one & suck on it for a while. I will say no more...
My advice to you...never EVER try and substitute a Snickers Bar.
To understand why, buy one & suck on it for a while. I will say no more...
Something to aim for...
Does anyone else enjoying the irony of watching Australia's Biggest Loser with a packet of Tim Tams and a can of Coke?
I like to watch Top Model in a tracksuit & ugg boots too.
I like to watch Top Model in a tracksuit & ugg boots too.
Irony...
Do children not understand the irony of standing up and screaming 'I wish I was dead'?
...I could make us all happy, very easily.
...I could make us all happy, very easily.
First impressions count...
I'm pretty sure you don't need a marketing background to know that first impressions count..I think my nanna used to say something similar.
And yet, it's like the internet sucks all those common sense rules out of our heads.
With that in mind, here is my (humble) advice to the many patrons of online dating.
If you are serious about attracting someone quality...
;)
And yet, it's like the internet sucks all those common sense rules out of our heads.
With that in mind, here is my (humble) advice to the many patrons of online dating.
If you are serious about attracting someone quality...
- Please don't take photos of yourself with your shirt off. Ick! No one (serious) wants to know that you're sitting in your lonely, beige-walled bedroom with no clothes on talking to strange girls in Ghania who desperately need money to bring their mother/child/bulldog over from the UK.
- Just because you CAN pole dance/do the splits/touch your nose with your tongue...doesn't mean you should do it on your profile picture.
- Do NOT keep all your old girlfriends/boyfriends on your Facebook page so they can stalk your new 'recruits'. When it's over, baby, it's OVER!
- When you take your profile photo, try not to do it in front of wall of pictures of your ex-wife and kids, your mum & dad and the ex-in-laws.
- Maybe these aren't hard and fast rules for everyone but, for me, they sure are big fat squealing warning signs. Warning, warning! Danger Will Robinson!
;)
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
A life in writing...
I love how the world turns on its axis back to the same place, over the years.
When I was a child I had pen pals. Strangers I talked with in England or Pakistan, even, that left their name in a magazine or a newsletter hoping to meet someone different, somewhere different.
In times of war, women at home wrote to the 'brave GIs', creating relationships out of nothing except shared memories and hopes.
Now we throw our personal information out into cyberspace in the hopes of making a connection.
We write to people we've never met, may never meet, and build relationships out of the fantasy people we create out of their written words.
And words are so fluid, so malleable. Words lie.
I can mould them to mean something here, in my mind, and send them out for someone else to mould into a new shape that fits them.
Is the internet reviving the poetry and romance of the written word? Or is it perpetuating pretence?
And yet, anyone who has ever received a postcard from a friend, or a letter from a lover, knows that they can be a window into a person's soul, a chance to be truly honest without guile or pettiness.
How freeing it can be to take the feelings flapping around inside us, capture them in words and press them down onto a page to keep. How revealing.
It's easy to fall in love with someone's words (distance makes it easy to ignore snoring & body odor & dirty dishes in the sink).
And just think - wouldn't the World War I veterans have preferred a Skype striptease to a Vargas postcard and a flimsy letter pressed between the pages of a bible?
When I was a child I had pen pals. Strangers I talked with in England or Pakistan, even, that left their name in a magazine or a newsletter hoping to meet someone different, somewhere different.
In times of war, women at home wrote to the 'brave GIs', creating relationships out of nothing except shared memories and hopes.
Now we throw our personal information out into cyberspace in the hopes of making a connection.
We write to people we've never met, may never meet, and build relationships out of the fantasy people we create out of their written words.
And words are so fluid, so malleable. Words lie.
I can mould them to mean something here, in my mind, and send them out for someone else to mould into a new shape that fits them.
Is the internet reviving the poetry and romance of the written word? Or is it perpetuating pretence?
And yet, anyone who has ever received a postcard from a friend, or a letter from a lover, knows that they can be a window into a person's soul, a chance to be truly honest without guile or pettiness.
How freeing it can be to take the feelings flapping around inside us, capture them in words and press them down onto a page to keep. How revealing.
It's easy to fall in love with someone's words (distance makes it easy to ignore snoring & body odor & dirty dishes in the sink).
And just think - wouldn't the World War I veterans have preferred a Skype striptease to a Vargas postcard and a flimsy letter pressed between the pages of a bible?
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Love, sex & food
After a crazy month of 70/80-hour weeks & kids grand finals & working through the night & slothing on the couch at 11pm at night utterly, utterly exhausted - I am enjoying my first Wednesday afternoon off.
Oh I love that idea - a weekday (even if it's only half a weekday after working all night) - sitting in bed reading books, napping, or sometimes curled up with a DVD on the laptop with the sun shining in on the bed. It feels so hedonistic.
And I finally realised watching the glorious Julie&Julia that I have been born out of time.
I should have been one of those 'hostess' wives - modern geisha who plan meals (but have someone else to clean up for them), who dabble in art & literature out of love (but aren't required to finish anything or put up with someone else marking them), who sparkle & chatter & debate (but don't actually have to DO anything).
In essence - I'm just plain lazy...and sadly, I'm not good looking enough to get away with being that way for a living! LOL
What is it about food? Why do we revel in it the way we do sex? We even use the same words - lush, sensual, moist, hot & juicy...or maybe it's just me who uses all those words. LOL
When did chefs become rock stars? The Nigellas & Jamies & Marcus Pierre-Whites?
It's like food porn.
We sit on our couches, eating spag bog off our knees & watch the Naked Chef plunge his hands into paella or Nigella purr about pomegranates.
Of course - like porn - some of us get brave & give it all a go at home.
At times like this, when work & sport & commitments start breaking down the little joys in my life I can't decide what I miss the most - good food? or good sex?
But ironically, food, like sex, just isn't any fun if it's not great.
Oh I love that idea - a weekday (even if it's only half a weekday after working all night) - sitting in bed reading books, napping, or sometimes curled up with a DVD on the laptop with the sun shining in on the bed. It feels so hedonistic.
And I finally realised watching the glorious Julie&Julia that I have been born out of time.
I should have been one of those 'hostess' wives - modern geisha who plan meals (but have someone else to clean up for them), who dabble in art & literature out of love (but aren't required to finish anything or put up with someone else marking them), who sparkle & chatter & debate (but don't actually have to DO anything).
In essence - I'm just plain lazy...and sadly, I'm not good looking enough to get away with being that way for a living! LOL
What is it about food? Why do we revel in it the way we do sex? We even use the same words - lush, sensual, moist, hot & juicy...or maybe it's just me who uses all those words. LOL
When did chefs become rock stars? The Nigellas & Jamies & Marcus Pierre-Whites?
It's like food porn.
We sit on our couches, eating spag bog off our knees & watch the Naked Chef plunge his hands into paella or Nigella purr about pomegranates.
Of course - like porn - some of us get brave & give it all a go at home.
At times like this, when work & sport & commitments start breaking down the little joys in my life I can't decide what I miss the most - good food? or good sex?
But ironically, food, like sex, just isn't any fun if it's not great.
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